You might say that what happened today was my fault, but if you really think about it, it was Aunt Helen. If she hadn't died, Julie never would've slid headfirst into our garbage.

See, Julie and I were supposed to go to a concert together, but because of the funeral, Mom made me cancel. Normally, I would've hatched an escape plan, but this was Mom's favorite Aunt. I had to go. Julie was going to go with someone else and have all kinds of fun, while I was stuck wearing Reese's old, sticky suit. All Reese cared about was trying to hide Dewey's present that he destroyed. He was going to stash it with Aunt Helen in the coffin. He figured no evidence, no crime. I don't know why they let him watch lawyer shows.

Then I found out Mom hated Aunt Helen. I decided to ditch the funeral and told Julie to come over. I tried lying to Mom, but she quickly called me on it. So I finally just refused to go. Why should some relative I hardly know and no one liked, ruin my day? I must have made a point, because the next thing I knew, Mom got mad, then Dad, then Reese, and all of a sudden, no one was doing anything for anyone. I felt bad, but I had to get ready for the concert. Julie showed up and somehow got past everyone and saw me in my underwear. She screamed and ran. By the time I caught up with her, she had slid into our garbage and said she never wanted to see me again. It was a disaster. Something had to be done. I knew the only way to get my family talking again was by having a scapegoat. So I ratted out Reese. We made it to the funeral on time, and everyone's fine again, except Reese, who I should probably avoid for a few days.